Is Your Love Language Victimization?
Updated: Jun 27, 2022
Service does not equal love.
Does this make you cringe a little??? I bet it does!!!
How many times this week have you mentally run through the list of all the things you did for your partner or your family and felt the resentment bubble up by the time you got to the 3rd thing??
I know this all too well. "Look at the things I do for you - can't you see how much I love you???? Where is my love?? Why are you all so selfish???
Acts of service is indeed 1 of 4 recognized love languages. But I have a provocative question for you:
Are you really trying to show love through acts of service?
Or is the service just a task and you are using it to feel like a victim?
If you dug deep, how would you really show love? How would you really like to receive love?
Women often conflate service with love when we are overburdened by unequal domestic responsibilities.
When my clients show up feeling unappreciated and vicitimized they often say that they do so much because that's how they show love. I don't think so. We don't need to victimize ourselves to show love. There's a line between acts of service and bullshit.
I don't think acts of service really means picking up your husband's dirty underwear 6 days in a row.
So how do we clean this love mess up?
In coaching we learn how to set boundaries and ask for what we want. When we clean up our relationships and get out of victimization, we can revisit how we show love from a place of gratitude and peace.
Then our partners actually see and feel the love, not the resentment. And surprise ..... we are then open to receive love. It's pure magic.
This shift is hard to make on your own. Let's work together.