I know. This is a tough lesson. It seems like the people closest to us really ought to be able to read our minds. We know what we want, why don't they?
Well, the last time I checked most people still can't mind read.
So if your kids, partner, parents, friends, or boss don't know what you want, it's because you have not told them.
Why is this simple act so tricky??? Like really tricky. It's because the brain is tricky. The brain enjoys making meaning (usually negative due to our negativity bias) out of being unheard or unknown by others.
We choose to believe that the people in our lives do know what we want and that they are purposefully doing otherwise. This is a powerful victim story that the creates all kinds of delicious activity and hormones in our brains.
Remember - we are hardwired to engage in negative thinking. It literally gets us high.
The only way to change the story is to purposefully choose to believe something different and act accordingly.
In this scenario, it means believing that the people in our lives really just don't know what we want (nor should we expect them to). We must use simple, straight forward words to ask for what we want.
Still not sure I'm right? Have you ever held a baby that is screaming and crying for hours? And looked in her eyes and begged her to "just tell me what you want."
The people in your life feel the same way.
Is there a very specific thing that you want to ask for but just can't get the courage? Or are you certain that the answer will be 'no', so you stay silent?
Women- is there something specific that you struggle asking your partner for?
Would you like to work on getting what you want out of your relationships? At Work? In Love, With your Kids?
Schedule a free consultation call to learn more about coaching with me:
In Happiness & Health,
E
Comments