Yesterday I was set to attend an event for International Women’s Day. I have been looking forward to this event for weeks. My calendar was cleared.
And then life happened.
At “go time,” I found myself trying to figure out a complicated plan for picking up a kid from school, getting another to a birthday party and getting myself to an 8pm hockey game with my family.
This would require me to ask for last minutes favors, perform a superman wardrobe change in a bathroom, eat fast food dinner on the run, rush and navigate downtown parking and a boat load of stress.
As I was crafting this plan I suddenly broke into tears. Not really sad tears, but tears of irony. My life as a mom/women is preventing me from attending a women’s day event; an event entirely focused on celebrating the multi-faceted success of women, particularly in the workplace.
And here I was, realizing that the healthier choice was to pick my kid up at the bus stop, eat a salad at home, attend the birthday party with my husband and son, and enjoy a hockey game with my family.
This is the gameplan that would best support my mental and physical health and thereby allow me to show up tomorrow as a leader and business owner.
I do find it ironic.
It’s ironic and also the story of my life.
I heard on a podcast the other day a story of a highly successful female leader who was asked by a group of men (while in a mastermind) what her mentor experience has been like.
The men in the group shared that most of them have had a mentor who has taken interest in their career and met them for dinner and drinks frequently throughout the year to help them pave the way to success.
The women answered that she has not had that. They were surprised.
She asked them who was at home caring for their children and home while they spent evening time away to build their mentorship relationship? I snarky but very relevant question. They all answered….their loving wife.
Girl…..I can relate.
I live in a 2 worker household. We are both high level leaders. We both contribute to our financial needs. We both parent.
But......
I do earn less. I do need more flexibility than a hard charging career can accommodate.
Not because I am a domestic prisoner, but because I have a very strong maternal drive. I love my kids. I desire order and security at home. I want the kids to know they will have rides, teacher conferences and that we are eating tacos on Tuesday.
I do not want to give that up for a work happy hour, client meeting or business trip.
I just pass on those more often than not.
So, I do not keep pace with my partner. I do not commit fulltime hours. I do not attend many events that may garner new business.
For the majority if my career, I carried this as a big fat chip on my shoulder. It haunted me. I was never satisfied. I felt cheated. I felt forced to perform against a stacked deck and do it with a grateful smile on my face.
Because women can have it all.
Yes, we can. But just because I can, does not mean that I should.
My trainer always reminds me that just because I can lift 7 days a week does not mean that I should. Can does not equal best.
This has become more clear to me since my psychedelic therapy experience last month.
It’s hard to explain how much clarity I have now. I feel so much more at ease in my life as a mom and leader.
This experience is why I was able to cry and laugh yesterday when I realized that I should not attend the women’s day event.
I was not angry.
This is one way (a huge way) that psychedelics have changed my life so far. The constant angry narrative in my head of mom vs. the world is largely gone.
There isn’t a new narrative. Just clear space to feel what’s really coming up for me and a confidence to act in my best interest.
It’s really quite amazing. I don’t believe in magic, but this is close.
I am committed to allowing this experience to shape who I am becoming. I think it will make me a better partner, mother, leader and coach.
Without my own pervasive narrative I am better able to hear my clients and let them journey to their own decisions.
It’s a great place to be and I’m grateful for the work I get to do and the people I get to love and care for.
May you live and LeadWell,
~E
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