I was born and raised in Tennessee. I’ve been to Graceland (and a special little place known as 'Graceland 2' known only to locals.) I won’t eat sauce on my BBQ and I still sing Rocky Top in the shower.
The chances of me someday getting a ‘901’ tattoo are definitely not zero.
I moved to Minnesota in July of 2005. Like many transplants, I was blinded by love and a 78 degree summer day that left me thinking “my god, why doesn’t everyone live here?”
Winter would come soon enough. But the deal was inked. From my St. Paul brownstown, I overlooked a quiet snow covered city and thought “my god, I have to get out of here.”
Over the next 20 years, I married, had kids, built a career, divorced and remarried. I’ve made and lost friends. But like nearly every transplant here, I’ll admit that it’s hard. Building relationships as an adult in MN is not for the faint of heart. I decided early that it was unlikely I’d ever really belong here.
I’ve always clung to the conviction that when the kids graduate, I’ll move.
I’d decided that I wanted to be close to Rocky Top, but not Tennessee. North Carolina felt right. Familiar but different. Asheville would be our home.
Last week Asheville was devastated by Hurricane Helene. I’ve been doom scrolling the pictures of the quaint mountain town I visited as a kid and hoped to call home in not so distant future.
To say that it’s damaged is an understatement.
While Asheville will rebuild, like New Orleans did after Katrina, it won’t be the same. For me, what will change more than the architecture and infrastructure, is what the town represented. A return to a place that feels like home. A place that feels safe and familiar.
The word safe resonates the most. Like many, especially the residents of that region, I thought the mountains of NC would be safe from climate driven weather risk.
Clearly, that is not true. Many hard hit areas of Western NC had a 1% flood risk.
So what now?
Helene hit the same week I was moving into a new home. This home is lovely. But I was ok with it being temporary when the time came to move to NC. I have now come full circle. I believe this home will be my forever home. I am not transient. There is no greener grass.
While I am a little sad about letting go of this dream, I know it’s the best path forward. I think it’s time to truly be exactly where I am.
Last night I caught the northern lights from my bedroom window and thought… “my god, why doesn’t everyone live here? Maybe I didn’t grow up with a cabin “up north” or have snow dusted Christmas memories. But this night sky feels like I’m a part of something special.
I’ve had a full circle moment.
The real work ahead of me is to dismantle the belief systems that may be preventing deep connections and a sense of belonging here in Minnesota. I am forced to reckon with the possibility that I am the reason that I don’t feel like a local here. Rocky Top is a formattable wall.
After 20 years of playing on the sidelines I am ready to commit. Put me in coach….I’ll wear maroon and gold. 'Ski-U-Mah'!
I am excited to see how the world around me changes as I intentionally shift my mindset to belonging. This may be some of the most meaningful personal work I have done in a long time. It’s definitely at the top of the radical accountability paradigm.
Belonging has always been a deep seated fear of mine. I have never felt quite right in many of life’s arenas. And this may be the first step in healing that core wound that touches so many parts of my life.
Many of the leaders I work with have their version of not belonging. High achievers usually stand out early in their careers. Then when they reach the pinnacle, they find it’s lonely at the top.
To do great things, you often think differently. You run ahead of the pack. You aren’t like everyone else.
As I embark on my journey of belonging, I’ll offer you this: Don’t ever be afraid to come back into the family. If you open your heart, you may find that you are exactly like everyone else in the most wonderful ways.
“We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” ― Maya Angelou
So come on in, stay a while.
May you live and LeadWell,
~E
PS. While I am ready to go all in on MN, my marriage requires me to be a Packers fan. Sorry Vikings, some ties are just too strong to break.
Kommentare