The hill I will die on ....friendships at work

There may be no other topic more important (and divisive) to me than developing friendships at work.

Warning: this might be uncomfortable for some of you😉

Let’s frame up the existing debate.

A. We should not be friends with our coworkers and definitely not our direct reports. We have to separate business from personal.

Vs.

B. We encourage friendships at work because it builds a better company.

Let’s cut straight to it…..A is ridiculous.

"Real" friendships at work have no downside.

Let's break down this somewhat controversial opinion.

Recent studies, including a Gallup poll, highlight the importance of workplace friendships in boosting performance and retention. These strong bonds not only improve collaboration and productivity but also serve as a countermeasure to the pervasive loneliness epidemic affecting modern society. As isolation grows both at work and in personal life, fostering genuine connections becomes vital. Meaningful relationships at work can alleviate feelings of loneliness, enhancing overall well-being. This connection between supportive environments and reduced isolation underscores the need for organizations to promote camaraderie. Ultimately, addressing loneliness through supportive workplace relationships consistently leads to healthier, more engaged employees and vibrant communities.

But, to allow for friendships, we actually have to double down on proactive leadership and management practices. Have you ever heard the Jocko Willink's theory that Discpline = Freedom? It's true.

Here's where a company must be strong:

1. Operating system

2. Data

3. Feedback tools

4. Early career leadership development

   
   
   
   

Also, let's go beyond management tools and examine real friendships:

• Real Friendships value honesty and transparency

• Real friendships appreciate professional behavior

• Real friendships require integrity all the time

• Most people confuse friendship with something else entirely

It’s easiest to make my point by going straight to people’s biggest fear.

What if I have to fire someone I’m friends with?

Let’s reverse engineer this.

If someone that I genuinely care about is about to be terminated then the conversation will go like this:

“Friend, you know all those conversations we’ve had about not meeting expectations?

It’s time to move on from this role.

How can I help you transition?”

The conversation goes like this because I care deeply about this person and I have had MANY frank conversations trying to make things work before we get to this place. We are both experts at what’s going on. We both understand what’s at stake. We both value our friendship and know that it has nothing to do with the appropriateness of this role at this time.

To arrive at this place, I must value this person so much that I am willing to risk my relationship with him or her to make sure they are not working in a job they are ill suited for.

I will hustle hard to help. And I will be radically honest when I need to be. That’s how I show up for a friend.

Real friendships also create positive support systems. If I truly care about you, I do not want you to do anything unhealthy, career jeopardizing or inappropriate. I want to see you succeed, challenge yourself and be a role model for others.

Now let me ask you….are you that intentional with your friends? If you were, what kind of relationship could you have?

These types of relationships are lifechanging both personally and professionally. So I encourage you to make friends at work. Real friends.