So what am I up to these days?
I’m growing LeadWell and building a Vistage Group.
School is back in session for my 4 kids. I now have kids in 10th, 9th, 6th and 1st grade. The boys are busy with soccer, football and baseball.
Things look normal from the outside but it’s actually been a really rough month.
This is the 1st time I’ve written about this or shared it outside of our family and closest friends.
It’s hard to find the right words.
Last month I answered a call from my son’s number. “Hey babe, what’s up”? But it was the county sheriff on the other end.
My immediate thought was…please tell me he stole something from Kwik Trip. But deep down I knew that wasn’t what was coming.
“Tate was hit by a motorcycle while riding his bike. If you can make it to the scene in 5 minutes you may follow the ambulance to the hospital.”
I drove 90 mph, hoping to see him sitting on a curb with an ice pack on his knee and a few bandaids.
But instead he was unconscious on a stretcher. His blood on the street.
It’s hard to describe the emotions in that moment. Disassociation, disbelief, panic, love, regret, hope, bargaining. Everything. All at once.
I could not keep up with the ambulance for the 15 mile ride to the ER. I lost sight of it completely. I’ve never wanted to be closer to someone.
People say your child is your own heart walking around outside of your body. It is exactly that.
At the ER, Tate came to and his drug induced conversations started to ease my worry. He actually flexed his biceps and asked if he looked big. If you have a teenage boy you can probably relate.
CT’s and Xrays went from bad to better. His suspected injuries ultimately down graded to a concussion, broken collarbone, facial fractures and a minor lung puncture.
That night in the hospital room I experienced true gratitude for the 1st time in my life.
I’ve practiced gratitude. I’ve been ‘grateful’ for what I have. But that night I was fiercely and acutely grateful for the young man snoring in the hospital bed.
Tate is recovering well. He should be back to normal soon. He has lots of jokes about what happened. As a 15 yr old boy would. His biggest complaint is not being able to chest press for 6 more weeks.
But this has changed me. I am not the same mother. I’m not the same person.
I blamed myself for the accident. An hour before he left the house on his bike that day he asked me to drive him to get a haircut. I was busy with work and said I couldn’t. If he wanted a haircut today he had to bike there.
He said to me: “But mom I don’t want to bike today.”
I said….You’ll be fine. He left silently.
We haven’t spoken about it much. But he remembers. He gave me shit about it last week in a loving/joking but kind of serious way.
While I was following the ambulance, I bargained with God. If’s he’s ok I will quit working and just be a mom.
I have not held up my end of the bargain. But I am more intentional about time. I have loosened the reigns a bit at work.
Most of my walks are spent thinking about how I approach work and motherhood. This internal dilemma is not new. But it’s front of mind now and in a very new and real way.
With the dust settled I do not intend to quit. I’m staying in the arena. But things are changing in a very good way.
To be continued…..
~Elizabeth
