What part of this disaster is actually working for you??????
Yes. This is a real question.
We repeat behaviors and remain in situations that aren’t ideal all the time. We do this because (often subconsciously) some part of it is working for us. It’s meeting a need that we cannot currently satisfy otherwise.
When we ask ourselves this question with an open mind and heart we can be more kind to ourselves.
This kindness allows us to frame up solutions in a creative and thoughtful manner.
Here’s an example from my life:
Several years ago, I was on the fence about making a career move. I wanted a bigger and more challenging role. I was frustrated with my current stagnation. But I didn’t make the move for a couple years.
Those 2 years were painful. I really wasn’t happy. And everyone around me knew it.
But I didn’t do anything to change the situation.
Because some part of it was working for me.
I had built such a well-oiled machine, I could lead the growing business in just 25 hours a week. This worked for me because I struggled internally about my time commitment to my young children. I believed that I could not ‘go all in’ at a new role.
My story was that I was stuck.
While it was a victimizing story on the surface….the reality was that it was working for me at the time. I could indeed parent well and lead a business. That’s what I wanted. I was fighting with a choice that didn’t exist.